Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The False Justice of the American Legal System

     I love my country. I really do. Despite the monumental idiocies the culture has spawned and the hideous atrocities we have committed as a nation, I still have patriotism in my heart. We started out pretty well, I think. The Founding Fathers were brainy folks. But enough of that. The point of this post is not to gush about Independence Day and the Revolutionary War; rather, it is to say that, although I believe our nation is on the whole a great one, it does have some serious problems. And the problem I want to address is this: I hate our legal system.

     Hate it. There’s no justice. Everybody pretends that once a criminal is convicted in court he receives his just desserts. He’ll spend a few months or years in prison if he stole something, or if he murdered someone, maybe he’ll get life.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Irrational Belief

     The theory of evolution is one of those tiresome myths which serves little purpose save to highlight the gullibility of the American public. A ridiculous hypothesis designed by drunken atheists and popularized by a bum who just happened to have a certain flair for writing. If you have not yet noted it, I am intensely disgusted that this silliness has taken such hold of the minds of the people. It’s hard to understand how an idea with no logical support and less scientific evidence can be touted as the indisputable truth. I say to myself, “How,” I say, “is it possible to blind such a large selection of the population with such a blaringly obvious lie? And how is it possible that this selection includes many individuals with extensive educations and a reasonable level of intelligence?” Honestly, these people have doctorates and master’s degrees, and they still babble like children about their million-year-old fossils.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

A Dying Breed

     The world is a dark and sinister place, my friends. Grammar geeks are a dying breed. With each passing day, the English language grows feebler and feebler, and there are alarming predictions about its complete demise looming just on the horizon. Misplaced apostrophes abound, and the occurrence of splice commas increases with alarming rapidity. We few sensitive grammar geeks (who are occasionally known, more offensively, as the Punctuation Gestapo) grow increasingly depressed at the futility of it all and become tempted to lock ourselves in dark closets for the rest of our lives. We are alone in a savage and frightening world of linguistic ignorance. Nobody loves us. We don’t even love each other.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Making Enemies

     When you watch crime shows, the saddest part is when the murder victims’ families describe them. It seems like it’s always some sweet and harmless girl who was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time or was dating the wrong guy. “We didn’t know who would have done something like this,” they always say. “She didn’t have an enemy in the world.”

     This gets me thinking. If I were slain by an unknown malefactor, who would it be? In a surprising turn of events, I discovered that I would not want my family to tell the authorities that I didn’t have an enemy in the world. I would like it if, when the police went ‘round questioning people I know, my friends and family would say to them, “Oh, yes. There were a thousand people who hated her guts.” Not, of course, that I wish to become a murder victim. Indeed, I rather make a point of avoiding being slain by unknown malefactors. It’s not a death wish or anything remotely like that. It’s just that I think I would rather like it if I knew there were people who hated me enough to wish me dead. Why, though? I’m reasonably confident that I am mentally sound… to a certain degree…. But it seems decidedly odd, doesn’t it? Why on Earth would I want to make enemies? Surely a more natural desire would be to have plenty of friends. Or at least amiable acquaintances.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

My Grandmother's Flowers

My grandmother’s flowers grow lush in her garden
And smile at me every time that I come
The big fluffy zinnias and small cheerful pansies.
Wave and they nod ‘neath the bright summer sun.


My grandmother’s hands touch her flowers so gently
She waters and digs and is busy all day
The flowers just love her, and she loves the flowers
She makes them so cute in her own special way.


My grandmother’s eyes gaze out over her flowers
And rest for a moment on blossoms of blue
The flowers she looks at are my special favorites
‘Cause my grandmother’s eyes are the very same hue.


My grandmother’s flowers are happy to see us
And Grandma’s big smile is wide, bright, and sunny
She’s clever and witty and makes me to giggle
Because my grandmother’s so terribly funny!


My grandmother’s flowers are strong just like she is
Every summer they’re taller; they smell sweeter, too.
My grandmother’s flowers get better and better
Their bright, vibrant colors quite spruce up the view.


My grandmother’s flowers won’t blossom forever
One summer I’ll come and they will not be there
The yard will be mournful and lonely and quiet
The garden not lively, but somber and bare.


My grandmother’s flowers, their faces will vanish
No more her soft hands the smooth petals caress
Her laughter, the ghost of a much-lov├ęd lady
Will linger and stay in the places she blessed.


I so love my grandma. The times that I see her
Are fleeting and fading; they’ll someday be spent
So I’ll be a good girl and help Grandma to garden
And always remember her flowers’ sweet scent.


My grandmother’s flowers are charming and lovely
Their faces and smells I will always remember
And even though she and her flowers will leave me
It’s only a while ‘fore we’re back together.


My grandmother’s flowers I know will go with her
When she leaves me to go to the Garden above
And her flowers will make Heaven smell all the better
When my grandmother rests in the LORD’s awesome love.


~ © Andrea Grace

Monday, November 1, 2010

'Tis the Season!

     Oh. My. Goodness. Do you know what today is? Guess! Guessguessguessguessguess!!!! Why, it’s the first of November!! Guess why it’s special.

     Because ‘TIS THE SEASON FOR CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!!

     It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

     I realize it's slightly premature, but this is just one of the million billion gazillion reasons why I just love my life! Isn’t it just amazing how the icy blasts and frigid storms of winter can be just as incredibly awesome as summertime? In summer, it’s different. You’re wearing shorts and sandals and the grass is green and you don’t have time to eat because you’re too busy running around and just plain having a blast. Volleyball and roller skates and swimming pools! The sun sets later and the stars are bigger and brighter. And then it gets cold. It’s sad because you feel like you were just starting to have a good time and now it’s lost. The shining sapphire sky is replaced by a dull mist that isn’t really any color, but you call it grey. The freedom of your summer wardrobe is smothered under layers and layers of flannel and wool. Gone are the bare feet and glasses of ice-cold lemonade. The birdsong is muted under the cold blanket of grey. And right in the middle of the depression… you look around… and remember.

     Icicles!

     Snowmen!

     Snowballs!

     Christmas!

     The laughing, carefree spirit of summer is gone, but the white magic of winter has taken its place. Visions of sugarplums! The sun sets earlier, but the sun doesn’t really shine out as mightily as it did anyway. It’s not so bad, really. You put on your jeans and fluffy socks and swap the ice-cold lemonade for hot chocolate with marshmallows. You trade your flip-flops for snow boots and your sunglasses for a scarf. You can curl up in about eight layers of quilts and read your favorite book. And you can look outside and see the silent snowflakes come drifting lazily down. Comfort. That’s what I like about winter.

     And food!

     ‘Tis the season for chocolate! I don’t know what it is about winter, but chocolate seems less a dessert than it is a necessity. In winter, you don’t just appreciate chocolate; you ADORE it. And you can have soup in winter! Hot, steaming soup that burns your tongue and warms you to the very tips of your toes. Turkeys and roast beef and mashed potatoes! Because before Christmas can whirl in in all its frosty glory, we must first have Thanksgiving! Family and friends and food. My three favorite things. Thanksgiving is the best because you don’t just say you’re thankful for what you have; you get a warm, fuzzy feeling of cozy gratitude. You can look around, and you’re in a safe, warm house with your family all grouped around and your dog sleeping on the rug. You’ve got tasty food all settled in your stomach, and you remember the warmth of summer. You remember the good times of shorts and sunglasses, but not like you want to go back. Thank you, God, for memories of summer and the magic of winter!

     Because I’m dreaming of winter… frosty, frigid winter with flannel pajamas and toasty quilts and a quiet fireplace… Christmas trees at night, with the faint, enchanting lights illuminating the glass baubles and sparkling tinsel and dangling figurines of holiday ballerinas…. Crimson and green, holly and mistletoe, silver and gold….

     I’m dreaming of a white Christmas!