The Who, Why, And What The Heck? of For Heaven's Sake

Questions That Are Not Necessarily Frequently Asked, But I Imagine You Have Them

Q. Who is Jack Bauer, and why are you obsessed with him?
A. Um, hello. Where have you been for the past ten years? Jack Bauer is the greatest character ever invented by the mind of man. He is marvelous. He is wonderful. He is the star of a TV show called 24, and he is played by the fabulous Kiefer Sutherland. Basically, I love Jack because he does not just represent my philosophy about the world; he is my philosophy. That is, truth and justice are things that are undeniably worth fighting— and sacrificing —for. Jack does literally whatever it takes to protect the innocent, and I absolutely love that mentality.

Q. So explain Robert Goren.
A. He only shows up so often in my posts because he is AWESOMELY AWESOME. He is on Law and Order: Criminal Intent (played by Vincent D'Onofrio), and he is the sovereign king of psychological profiling, a subject in which I am greatly interested. Also, he is awesome.

Q. You speak occasionally of your experience in an abusive church. Let's hear that story.
A. A few years ago, my family accidentally joined a cult. I call it a cult because it had all the earmarks of one: controlling, manipulative, obsessively terrified of the outside world, and abusive and grandiose leadership. My family disagreed with the sovereign authority of the elders, and after discovering that they were hell-bent on making us submit or else we left the organization. I won't deny it was painful at the time, but since then I have felt absolutely on top of the world! I have reveled in my new-found freedom in Christ, and I have discovered everything awesome about the world, including Law and Order: Criminal Intent. My parents took our family away because of the whole crazy submission thing, but personally my greatest quarrel with the place is the cruel and untrue criticisms they make of Jack Bauer. Also Batman.

Q. What is patriarchy and why are you so opposed to it?
A. I had my first real exposure to patriarchy in the aforementioned abusive church. Basically, the core  beliefs of patriarchy are as follows:
      Men are the supreme authority of the universe. I don't mean mankind. I mean males. Mostly fathers. The father in a family was supposed to be the sovereign head of the entire unit. You don't eat, sleep, or scratch your rear without Daddy's express permission.
     The sole purpose of a woman is to marry, keep house, and bear children. (Here is my objection to this)
     The World is evil, and the government is out to get you. (Here's my disagreement with this one)
     Homeschool is the only way to educate your children, and public school was sent from the devil to destroy us all.
     And finally, every human being on this planet is a dirty rotten scumbag, and every last one of us is going to Hell unless we spend the vast majority of our lives in tearful repentance. Repentance for what, you ask? Existing. (Here is why I don't believe this one either)
    I hope I have made clear both the beliefs and my quarrel with them in one fell swoop.
Q. (This is probably the only question I actually get) Why are your posts so long?
A. Well, numerous reasons. The first of which is that my train of thought is often long and convoluted, and each link in the chain seems to me to be crucial. I try to eplain things fully, a task at which, it must be admitted, I often fail abysmally. The things I am writing about are very, very important to me, and, aside from bold type and italics (which often become sadly overused), I can think of no way to drive them home save for repetition. I suppose I could cut out a few of the paragraphs about Jack Bauer and Robert Goren, but my world would spiral into chaos, and we certainly don't want that.

Q. Why is your blog's address Ridiculous Like a Fox? It's absolutely preposterous that you make us type that nonsense.
A. It's from a line in the TV show Monk. I like the sound of it, is all. Also, it is vastly entertaining.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave a comment! I like to hear what you guys have to say! Even if you don't really have anything to say, say it. Here are some suggestions in case you are really stuck:
"I love this post and I will send you a thousand dollars as soon as I learn your address."
"I hate this post and I hate you for writing it."
"I like your blog, but your obsession with Jack Bauer is mildly disturbing."